Sandy Casey's blog

Yeah, I know! Start out spiritual right?? Well because this journey I am on is so incredible, I can't help but talk about it. For years now, I have felt dry and passionless in my Christian walk......finding it hard to do much of anything without generating my own enthusiasm and coming up with my own ideas. It wasn't that the Spirit didn't how up - He did........in incredible ways, but I was so busy "acting" that I didn't even recognize Him, most of the time. Sometimes I knew it was Him because there was just no other explanation for what happened. But all of that is changing.......it began in January of 2007 and it was a culmination of my sister Sharon, and my niece Natalee praying for me. I had pushed them away as they tried to describe their transformations......thinking they were just too negative and down on themselves. But God was working and I finally prayed that I could be like the woman who anointed Jesus Feet and wiped them with her hair - I wanted to worship. I was hungry - the verses "She that hath been forgiven much loveth much" permeated my soul. And I joined Gospel Friendships......a radical ministry led by Dave McCarty, who knows just how to use his own weaknesses and vulnerability to help others. I'm learning that it is in my weakness and utter failure and helplessness that Jesus is truly seen. That without that total dependence on Jesus my life just won't work.......that Jesus must be enough for me every day of my life, every moment. And I'm finding that finally, after 19 months or reading, listening and searching, it's finally coming together. I'm getting better at listening to the Spirit.......because I've realized that I can't. Naturally, I don't even want to. I want to do it my own way - follow my natural leader, plan it all out and execute. But in the Christian life that'll kill you if you're not like a little child, totally dependent on your Daddy! Every day is different......some I'm living in the light of the Spirit and others I'm stumbling along, feeling a little too cocky about my abilities and plans. But God is gently leading.......always in pursuit and I am learning to love my new found hope and passion.