Sandy Casey's blog

Wow, what an eye opener this morning as I had another sleepless night, but read some in Sally Miller's book. I had tried reading it several years ago and just wasn't into it. But today, I read it through a different lens and it struck a chord. Quoting from the book, p. 15-17: "Presumptive self-confidence may look like faith, but it has a very different spiritual root (Jer. 17:5-10). Faith and presumption look alike because both qualities are characterized by confidence, but faith begins in the recognition and acceptance of our total human weakness. It relies solely on God and his gracious willingness to empower us. Presumption, on the other hand, is a reliance on human moral abilities and religious accomplishments, on visible securities. It ultimately relies on human will power to serve God and people. In my case, I was unknowingly relying on Jack, or past successes, or my own abilities. And I came to see that a mix of presumption and faith produces a personal instability that surfaces in crises and major life transitions. From God's point of view, the lack of faith is a great evil, the root of countless other evils. In James 1, we learn that in times of deeper testing, many religious people appear "wave-driven" and "double-minded". Such people cannot "receive anything from the Lord" (James 1:6-7). Faith alone links life to God and His abundant, fatherly grace. If this communication line is cut, the soul wanders alone, orphanlike. This has never been an easy thing to see, but the difficulty is heightened today by our determination to reduce every problem and sin to its psychological manifestations. I was also confused because I did have some measure of true faith, but it was tainted - and rendered powerless-by my presumptive trust in my own strength. How God Reaches Us How does God deal with such a hidden sin pattern in his children? First he must expose it. What does presumptive faith depend on for its existence? It must have positive circumstances and feelings of success based on visible accomplishments. So when God wants to reach us, he must take away those favorable circumstances and accomplishments. He hits hard at our false trusts. Our confidence in ourselves is shaken by life changes; we fight back. We increase our demands upon our "strengths", be they inner qualities, outer achievements, or other people. But only emptiness follows. Like the orphan we cry, "I am abandoned," when in fact God's grace is pursuing us ever more intensely. Today, I can see the love behind the Father's plan. But back then I thought my fundamental problems were psychological, emotional and marital. Today I can see that the root of my problem was that I did not know God personally with any depth. I did not even know what was going on in my own rebellious heart. I was actively resisting grace and its implications for the way I lived my life, but I did not know it. So God left me alone. so to speak, that the revelation of my insufficiency would also show me God's sufficiency. He was withdrawing his presence so that I would reach out to his grace for help. He was saying to me, his demanding creature, "I have let you bring yourself to this place of loneliness and guilt. Now I want you to listen to me." I wish I could say I had listened. I didn't. I read a lot of Christian how-to books to cope with my problems, but they failed me, because I filtered them through the grid of my self-trust and self-reliance. I really thought that method and technique and new kinds of order and organization were the level at which my problems would be solved." End of Quote I have often wished for more of something when that ache hits. More of my husband's adoration and attention, more organization, "a place for everything and everything in its place", more normalcy in my life, a better routine, focus on health, etc. yet no matter what relief comes, it is only temporary. When will I learn that those signs of feeling alone and frustrated are sent to bring me to Jesus, even when I'm trying to fight out of disillusionment? I'm beginning to think this is just the process of life - that because I'm such a mess, God slowly and gently brings me along to places of more "self-realization" to help me see the orphanlike behavior I've learned to depend on.....so I will get frustrated and give up and let Him lead me to His grace again.