Sandy Casey's blog

Amazing how much things can change in just the matter of months. When I wrote my first blog, I was seeing how much God was changing my life, and now I seem to be inundated with how much there is to change. A good example is last night.....our second Coffee Connection for the Catalyst group. Our group is pretty small - only 5 plus me. In front of the two pastors of the church, they all said that Tuesday night was a great time, and they would commit themselves to being there. Last week was our first week - (which was a mistake that we had to make right) and there were four, plus 3 sponsors. Then this week, whose date has been advertised for over a month - and 3 of them don't come. They all called but it was still disappointing to me. My daughter came, because she knew it would encourage me.....even though she lives on the other side of town, so that was cool! And the one regular who came - it was a joy to talk with him. He's growing in his faith and excited about getting activities together.....so maybe that was what God was all about is helping to make him a leader......whatever, I am coming to grips with the fact that this is not about me and what Sandy wants to do. It is about Jesus and what His plan and His kingdom is all about. And when I get myself in the way, as I did last night and today, everything looks pretty grim. But when I get myself out of the way.....God will work. He's promised He would....here we are trying to help build the kingdom and He's going to show up......He promised where 2 or 3 are gathered in His name.......He'd be there. So instead of being so worried about whether the problem is me, whether people feel free not coming because I'm too easy or because I'll always be there, or it's some other reason, I need to focus on WHO He is and WHAT He wants me to do.......my performance and desire for approval kills the ability for the Spirit to work, and it's got to go......but I seem to hang on to it pretty stubbornly. That seems to be where I keep finding my security instead of in Jesus and whatever He has planned. But I'm grateful He never gives up on me.......there's hope because of Jesus and His incredible Gospel.